Bein’ Serious: When You Apply For A Position In A Company
I have worked constantly for the past however many years, this year being my 5th in a row for this awesome company I love and it always amazes in the worst way, how people try to apply for jobs. Not just through the company I work for but for any company, really.
Teens in high school (or maybe not even in school) think it’s fun to just hound stores in shopping centres and leave their 20 page essay on why they want to work at the store with the most junior member of a team/staff. I see it all the time, kids telling all their personal details- full name and address, DOB, the 20 mobile phone numbers you can reach them at, their parents names and occupations, all their friggin’ school achievements, blah blah blah.
Then you have the uni students who go hardcore on resumes (or because they’re in uni now, they’re suddenly pompous and call it a CV despite no real work experience) during the school holidays. That’s the only time you see ‘em job hunting because during the year, they are too busy making a hullaballoo that “being a student is so hard”, “wish I hadn’t moved out of home with no job” and “welfare pays jack all”…
I’m not sure who you want to work for when you front up to a store like General Pants with a skill listed like “robot repairs”.. Give us something we can use.
The randoms. You know them. They have a diary of work stuff they have to fill in order to get paid by welfare. Actually, by us. Considering we pay taxes as workers and employers. So, us workers and employers are paying lay-abouts to visit stores to write in fake or well intentioned job applications in a book we probably paid for too. GTFOH!!!!!! Not funny and you are not getting the store’s number so your social worker or whoever can call us to see how the application went.
And last but not least: the parents of lay-abouts, uni students and high schoolers who apply for jobs for them. I am ashamed that their is a generation of people too lazy to find their own jobs. I am more ashamed that there is a generation of people who think it is okay to fid their kids jobs.
I’m Advising You: Noone Cares. Keep It Simple, Sh*thead!
You do not need to list the many middle names you were blessed with/cursed with. Or that you are the 3rd William in your family. We get it , alright? They stuffed up the first two and still couldn’t get it right, haha.. but seriously. Totally unnecessary. Because I am not going to call you that. Ever.
The only employers who are really wanting to know your age are pimps and hospitality/fast food places. First one we know why but second one is for more sinister reasons- have you ever noticed why there are snotty nosed probably twelve year old boys serving you a good dose of KFC? Younger help is cheaper help. Cheaper help runs business at a better wage cost which in turn profits the employer and company.
You should only be reachable on 1 phone number otherwise we won’t bother calling if we miss you the first time (and that’s even if your refs are worthy of a follow up call).
When you work, you work as an entity by yourself. You are employed as you.
Mummy and Daddy wont be there, holding your hand while you flip those burgers, fold those tops for the fiftieth time that day or greet the pissy customers who walk through your doors. Therefore, it is completely pathetic and unnecessary for you to name on your resume who your folks are. ‘Cos chances are, we don’t care. (unless your dad is Trevor Smith a.k.a Busta Rhymes- ‘cos I have a bone to pick with him.)
Your resume should only hold relevant information: if you are going for a basic checkout chick gig, then showcasing your babysitting abilities in your resume takes yours to the bottom of the application pile. Tailor your resume to the job and don’t have a bloomin’ template. It’s silly to tell employers all of your employment history or skill sets if none of them have to do with the job.
Oh yeah, be prepared to give references and/or referees details. Not many people give written references anymore so having a couple of referees who are in the loop of you trying to find work will be necessary. You must make sure that your referees know they may get called to give a reference for you. Otherwise, you are going to find yourself on the receiving end of some unfinished and unprocessed application. And no job. And it will suck to be you.
Here’s something:
why aren’t high schoolers and especially university students set a compulsory class on job searching skills?
There are quite a few employment companies that have to pair up with the randoms on welfare to show them how to get back (or get into for the the first time) into the workplace. They teach them:
- how to present themselves
- how to write a useful resume
- how to approach employers
- how to showcase the real skills you possess (not the unrealistic shite you’ll never use)
- how to narrow the skill set down on resume to the absolutely necessary skills for the job
and plenty of other stuff. I’m just sayin’.
Let’s learn how to get a job before we apply for a job, shall we?
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